I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
