come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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