I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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