I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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