Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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