Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My vagina just clenched in fear
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
