On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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