Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
