hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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