Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
