good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
