just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
