It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
