She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
