Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
