he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
