my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
