I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
