This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
we're so committed to being not committed
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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