who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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