I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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