you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
