i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
