She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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