Christians are straight up FREAKS
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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