i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
