You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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