and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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