Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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