I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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