i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
