I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
