i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
