the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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