ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
