i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
