I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
