If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
