Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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