It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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