Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
