Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
there was a trapeze. enough said
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
