dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
