go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Randomize
