I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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