i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
