im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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