True but thats because hes a fetus.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
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Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize