I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
