will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
