She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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