I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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