I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
