I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
