I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
