i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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