So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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