there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
