She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
