Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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