Sponge bath it is.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
