I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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