Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
