His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Who died my cat blue again?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
