That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize