Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
