I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
