Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
