I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
