i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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