Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
