How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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