you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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