The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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