omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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